Journey into Geek-Land
Who says the age of miracles is past? Here’s one for you: I’m a Woman in Tech! Me, the gal with the Blackberry bought in 2010.
Last week I successfully completed a gig at an IT conference, making me a full-fledged techy-nerdy-geek. I’ve never been happier!
You know what you call nerds when they grow up? Rich.
It wasn’t easy. The promoter gave me a comprehensive, detailed brief, ‘Do techy stuff’.
Uh oh … I don’t do techy-stuff. Me and technology go together like a picnic in bad weather. I didn’t say that of course. Book the gig, worry about it later.
Instead I replied, ‘I have loads of techy-stuff’.
He then adds, ‘Give it a female perspective’.
Well I am a female! And a feminist! Not hard core though. I don’t burn my bras. Because bras are expensive. Plus it’s hard to find one that fits. Buying a bra is like buying a mobile phone. There’s too much choice, you get self-conscious trying them and the vendors go on and on about ‘wireless’ and ‘support’.
Seriously though … I get confused. Android vs Apple? What does a robot have to do with fresh fruit?
Or my Sat Nav? Which is like Chinese. Because it is Chinese. I still can’t work out the English settings.
Finally my nemesis: THE PRINTER. How much effort was put into the following error message:
‘Paper Jam. Paper jams can be real or false. The following steps apply to both real and false paper jams’.
Imagine if you told your manager, ‘Hey my work might be real or false. Follow these steps to find out!’
Surely techies – you can do better?
I believe if more ladies entered this nerdy arena things would improve. Let’s face it most of technology is influenced by women anyway.
Let’s start with Facebook. Facebook is a woman’s journal:
Dear diary, today I woke up and had a croissant (post croissant pic),
then I hugged my kitty cat (post kitty cat pic),
then I had a poo … (maybe don’t post pic). But you get my whiff? I mean drift?
Instagram? Instagram is the family photo album. Remember the one your mom used to put together? The photos are so grainy it looks like the birthday party is in a sandstorm in the Sahara. Instagram is just the old family photo album with better resolution. And more cats.
Then there’s WikiLeaks. Every family has someone who is WikiLeaks! My Aunt Consuelo – she knows EVERYTHING! You feed her news and she spreads it faster than a Russian virus.
Ladies – techy men are using our ideas and taking all the credit! Does this sound familiar?
It’s time to take action! Don’t burn your bras! Instead join:
We’ll start by launching the ‘The Great British Tech-Off’. Contestants will create AI (Artificial Intelligence) algorithms that will make a better world for all genders!
Guys can you imagine an exact replica clone of yourself that cuddles your wife while she watches ‘Titanic’ for the 10th time? It will even cry when the ship sinks … leaving you to get on with important business, like watching football.
AI can help women too! Make us feel good about ourselves! A robot ‘shopping buddy’ that says encouraging words:
‘Your bum looks tiny in that!’
‘Of course you should buy another pair of shoes! Buy the matching bag too!’
This is cause for huge optimism!
We will even build replica clones of our leaders! Make them more human.
Donald Trump – a replica with the mute button permanently on.
Vladimir Putin – a robot that opens into a smaller robot that opens into a smaller one into a smaller one … until you end up with a single chip. And then squash it with your shoe.
Finally the UK’s prime minister, who I believe already has a replica. Those dance moves could only have come from a robot.
Join MeTech! Creating a world where techies, geeks and nerds – are gender free.
Sonia Aste is a writer, comedienne and founder of #MeTech.