May Days! May Days!

May Days! May Days! 

When did themed days become as common as a common noun?

Have you noticed? Our annual calendar is as crowded as a Benidorm beach in July. I’m talking about themed days, which seemed to have reproduced faster than a rabbit farm on steroids.

Take the month of May. When I was a child (about ten years ago) there were only two important days to remember: May 1st, International Workers Day (the remaining 364 days are for the shareholders). My left-wing uncles would hum ‘The International’ and swap stories about their struggle for the forty-hour week and fair pay. Funny how today I struggle for ANY ‘hour week’ and ANY pay. We’ve come so far!

The second sacrosanct day was (and still is) May 10th, my Mom’s birthday. Trust me you don’t want to forget that, or you won’t be singing ‘The International’, just Mozart’s ‘Requiem’

Surely that’s enough excitement for one month? Nope. Themed days in May are like confetti at a paper shredding party, abundant, useless and you can’t get them out of your hair!

Now I can understand ‘Red Cross Day’ or ‘UN Peacekeepers Day’ honouring our calendar, but what kind of person thought ‘Candied Orange Peel Day’ merited the same importance?
Someone like me! Whose sweet tooth is bigger than a crocodile’s and just as vicious if you eat my Krispy Kreme donut!

There’s no sugar coating it. May is a smorgasbord of fatty unhealth, including Nutty Fudge, Chocolate Chip Cookie, Apple Pie, Raspberry Tart and Blueberry Cheesecake Day, among others. This sugar rush is enough to send anyone into a diabetic coma (and possible death), conveniently covered with ‘Life Insurance Day’ (May 2nd).

It doesn’t stop there. Sponsored by ‘No Diet Day’ and ‘Eat What You Want Day’ the sweet binge continues with Crêpes Suzette, Macaroon and finally Taffy Day. Yes taffy. Stuff powerful enough to remove a molar without a visit to your dentist. Perhaps that’s why someone (a dental hygienist most likely) felt the need to warn us with ‘Root Canal Appreciation Day’ (May 11th). Party pooper!

Luckily, there’s no ruining May’s party. It is by far the most hedonistic, pleasure-seeking, over indulgent month of the year. Starting with Lei Dei (also known as fertility day … hint, hint) there’s enough booze and dubious activities to turn a quiet garden party in Surrey into a rampant Woodstock festival, nakedness included.

Kicking off with World Naked Gardening Day, allotments suddenly turn into tourist spots, giving a whole different meaning to ‘wildlife watch’. To lift your spirits (among other things) there’s Cocktail Day, Beer, Whisky and Homebrew Day (for the ‘hardened’ enthusiast). Posher crowds can jolly-ho with Wine Day, Sauvignon Blanc or Chardonnay Day. Although I think all plummy posh-ness vanishes when showing off your shrubs.

Not a gardener? Don’t worry! Take advantage of ‘No Pants Day’ and enjoy ‘Outdoor Intercourse Day’! If you live in the UK make sure to check the weather. You don’t want it to ‘hail on your parade’ or frostbite your favourite bits, which would lead to ‘End of the World Day’ (May 21st).

Despite having ‘Laughter Day’, there’s some serious stuff too! Most notably ‘Lost Sock Memorial Day’, a tragedy which can hit at any moment. It’s that horrible feeling of loss when one sock wants a divorce from its partner and abandons the home without warning. 

What to do? Well, maybe just honour ‘Clean Your Room Day’, you might find the sock has not left home at all and just needed some space underneath the bed. 

In May the fun never ends! From ‘Wear Two Coloured Shoes Day’ (celebrating the colour blind), to ‘Blame Someone Else Day’, very convenient when things go wrong. Finally, ‘Put a Pillow in Your Fridge Day’, for that frosty pillow talk we all inevitably have.

My personal favourite is May 10th, not only because it’s my mum’s birthday, but it also happens to be the ‘Stay Up All Night, Night’! Myself and many party goers around the world are lobbying to change it to ‘Stay Up All Night, Nights all month’.      

Now I don’t know about you, but I’m off to indulge in this sugar-sweet-drunken-decadent-debauched-downright-degenerate-party-month!

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Sonia Aste is an engineer, writer and comedienne who enjoys a good party.

Published by Toastmasters International UK & Ireland

Published by Riverside Communicators Toastmasters International

Themed days mentioned:

 

 

12 Responses to May Days! May Days!

  1. A shame I will miss Clean Your Room Day, but in reality I need something much more ambitious such as a Clean Your House Day. Who needs that kind of reality? I think I will stick to WINE DAY – all year round.

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