Valentine’s Virtual Vaccine

Valentine’s Virtual Vaccine 

Love Conquers All (even lockdown)

It’s Valentine’s day and millions of lovebirds are asking, ‘Will you be my Valentine?’ and getting the curt reply, ‘Have you been tested?’

Others are receiving flowers & chocolates which is very romantic, but only if you can smell and taste them. 

Love is in the air! But so is the Corona virus, so if someone takes your breath away, it could be love, but shortness of breath is one of the symptoms so it’s best to self-isolate.

I am not trying to ruin romance, (11 months of lockdown as already done that), but maybe this year Cupid should ditch the arrows and start throwing vaccines our way? Keep love (and humans) alive?

Because love might be a many-splendored thing, but for some couples, it’s turned into a many-stale thing.

Case example: The Boyfriend and I. We started lockdown thinking, ‘We can finally spend more time together!’ Two weeks later ‘couples time’ felt like we were doing time. Ten years in San Quentin to be exact.

So, we quickly went back to spending ‘QUALITY TIME’ together. QUALITY TIME meaning you spend little or no time with each other, no guilt involved.

We also moved to different areas, which boosted our love, although I hate the commute … downstairs for meals. He complains the journey upstairs is filled with obstacles, mainly my texts, #StaySafe, #StayHome, #StayDownstairs.

I only want what’s best for us! What if he gave me Corona? I’d have to ask probing questions like, ‘Where have you been? Who have you been sharing your 2 meters radius with?’ A COVID-affair would burst our bubble!

Thankfully I’m still a romantic who believes love makes the world go around, even if the virus is also ‘going around’. Here is my take on why love still conquers all, even lockdown.

Let’s start with dating. Remember the old ‘face to face’, dating? Your date would turn up looking like his grandfather, no screen to protect you from him or his halitosis? You’d have to sit through a three-hour monologue on how to builds ‘stuff’ and why when it comes to IKEA, he never has left-over parts.

Today, ‘screen dating’ let’s you MUTE him on arrival, place a photo of yourself (trust me, he won’t notice) and go spend time with your real love: Netflix. Alternatively, just say your broadband is terrible and shut him down abruptly.

Don’t worry about dating opportunities, thanks to what is now being described as ZOOM ROOM ROMANCE, flirting has never been easier!

CHAT (up line 1): ‘Do you come here often?’ 

CHAT (up line 2): ‘Wanna sneak out to an empty break out room?’

Just be careful not to send your CHAT to ‘EVERYONE’, or you’ll get a zoom-doom reputation. 

Next up – weddings. OK, maybe you can’t get married in the traditional way, after all there’s no romance in ‘You may kiss the facemask’. On the other hand, think of ‘virtually’ all the money you’ll save with a webinar-word-wide-wedding! Not to mention a million more guests that can still be directed to your online John Lewis wedding list. All is fair in love and Corona.

A week later you want a divorce? Lucky you! The divorce industry is booming! Divorce lawyers are so busy it’s rumoured McDonald’s is creating a DIVORCE DRIVE THROUGH. You will be able to place a divorce order from the comfort and safety of your own car:

  • ONE SINGLE … again! 
  • DOUBLE … custody on the kids.
  • SUPER SIZE … that alimony.  

From fast food to fast freedom!

Even ZOOM is getting on board. Forget the break out rooms – they’re creating BREAK-UP rooms so you can split up from different areas if your home.

Not that I’ll be doing that, because I love The Boyfriend. Very much. If the pandemic has taught me anything it’s that we’re not here for a long time, so let’s make it a loving time.

Even if you have to shout ‘I love you!’ from the top of the stairs.

Happy Valentine’s Day. 

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Sonia Aste is a writer, an engineer and a comedian who still believes love conquers all, even lockdown.

Published in the Toastmasters International Riverside Newsletter.

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